Keep Your Eyes Closed
by Nonair
Summary: Gin has reasons for keeping his eyes closed.


Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me.

Even when Ichimaru Gin was new to Rukongai he had already seen too much. Far too much, and all of it from his life before.He had no hopes for this new 'life' of his and found it easier when he couldn't see the pain and weakness around him. So he closed his eyes to the world.

He was still learning to wander the Rukongai with closed eyes whenhe nearly stepped on the girl. He didn't need to see to tell how tired and hungry she was so he gave her his food and took her with him. Gin was reminded of his past, alone and starving on the streets of Rukongai, and was glad his eyes were closed. He didn't want to see her become like him.

Her name was Matsumoto Rangikushe told him. She had a nice voice, gentle hands and was disgustingly cheerful but for some reason he let her stay. Sometimes he wanted to see if she was as pretty as her voice was. He opened his eyes to look at his friend, and he was glad he hadn't before. She wasn't pretty, she was beautiful. Beauty couldn't survive in Rukongai. Gin didn't want to see Rangiku destroyed or hurt. Gin closed his eyes again, so he wouldn't have to see it happen, but it felt like a betrayal.

When he felt strong enough he left Rukongai and Rangiku behind for the Academy. He had imagined it would be gruelling, demanding; instead he found it disappointing. He was glad he couldn't see the soft noble children surrounding him Glad he couldn't see their weakness. Glad he did not have to face the loss of his expectations.

Gin graduated and he was assigned to the Fifth Squad. His superior had a warm voice, easy to listen to and very calm. Gin hated the serenity of the man. He had to suppress the urge to attack, to force some emotion into that voice. Gin was sure his superior's expression would be just as placid and just as annoying as his voice. Gin kept his eyes tight shut, not wanting to see the face of Aizen Souske.

Time passed and Gin learned more of his captain. Aizen's philanthropy and kindness made Gin sick to his stomach. He had not become powerful to help fools try to make the world a better place. The world was hard, cruel and only the strong survived. Gin closed his eyes on Aizen's offer, dismissing his mission to remake the world as a fool's dream.

He was reunited with Rangiku when he nearly fell over her in the Academy halls. She had followed him all the way here. The mixture of pleasure and pain in Rangiku's voice was too much for him, even after all this time Rangiku had changed and grown since he'd last seen her. Gin didn't want to see how different she was from the girl he remembered. He knew he had changed too and he was glad she couldn't see his eyes.

He nearly killed her with Shinsou the day before she graduated. He was training with her, trying to master his Shikai, when he lost control and his sword hitRangiku. He was glad he couldn't see what he had done to her, or the blood that dripped down her arm.

They didn't talk to each other for a long time. Rangiku had graduated and was put into the Eighth under Kyoraku Shunsui before they met again. Gin was glad he couldn't see Rangiku when she told him the news. Apparently her captain was now her favourite drinking buddy. One night, he came across them in the street, Kyoraku-taichou draped all over his Rangiku, both reeking of alcohol. Gin didn't want to see them together, and kept his eyes shut tight and his smile wide

Gin opened his eyes for the first time to catch a glimpse of his taichou's Shikai. Aizen-taichou's serene voice had told him about his zanpakuto and morbid curiosity drove him to watch his taichou fight. Gin was sorry he opened them. The terror on the faces of those kids made him sick. The reiatsu of his taichou was frightening, and Gin knew it was only a fraction of what he controlled. It was wrong that such a powerful man was wasting his life in service to paper-pushing fools. Gin closed his eyes; he didn't want Aizen-taichou to see his awe, terror and contempt.

Aizen generously gave Gin the chance to build a new world that same night, when they were back in Soul Society. Gin had just finished the useless paperwork required by the inept bureaucrats when Aizen-taichou's irritating voice offered Gin, for the second time, the chance to see a fresh world rise, a new age begin. Together they could end injustice, unfairness like what happened to the students today. Gin turned it down; he had not become strong to waste his time with the weak. He didn't understand how Aizen could still believe in justice; in the real world, the world Gin knew, life was unfair. Gin widened his smile and prepared for a new day, keeping his eyes closed so he didn't have to see it.

Gin was promoted to taichou of the Third Divisionwhen Aizen was ready to let him go. He was happy as taichou, mostly because he was away from that irritatingly calm voice of Aizen's, and his do-gooder attitude. There were other good things about his job, though. The power was intoxicating, the lack of consequences even more so. He had an entire division to play with, not the least his fukutaichou, Kira Izuru. He liked to toy with the boy. It was so amusing to feel him tremble in fear or to hear his joy when he was praised. Gin was glad he couldn't see the complete trust Kira had in him. It would only be broken.

When his Rangiku was promoted to fukutaichou, Gin celebrated with her. They talked about Rukongai, about stealing food and clothes and how long it had taken to become Shinigami. Then Rangiku asked why he had left and Gin couldn't answer, he stood up and walked away. He was glad he couldn't see Rangiku's face, hearing her ask him to stay was bad enough.

Gin heard that Rangiku had gotten the new taichou- Hitsugaya Toushiro as her commander. He waited for the (surely) inevitable explosion, but it didn't happen. Despite their different personalities,the Tenth taichou earned the respect and admiration of Rangiku. He was glad he couldn't see how she stood behind her taichou so loyally. It reminded him that he had left her alone and things hadn't been the same since.

It was years before Gin realized he had lost Rangiku. She no longer followed where he led or paid him special attention. Her little taichou had won her trust, which Gin had never earned even when all they had was each other. It couldn't last, Gin knew, that kind of trust was not made to last. He was waiting for the day when Hitsugaya would prove him right and betray Rangiku. Maybe then he would open his eyes and see the boy who dared hurt his Rangiku bleed, die on Shinso's point.

Gin had been sitting in his office, pretending to do paperwork when his former taichou asked for a word. Aizen, with that superhuman calm and charitable philosophy of his, offered Gin the chance to see a new world rise. Gin's smile widened as he prepared to reject the offer, as he had twice before. This time, though, Aizen offered something different. A world for the strong, where the weak would have no place. A world where Gin would not have to waste his time helping feeble, pathetic individuals. His taichou offered unlimited power, and the only thing Gin had to do was betray Soul Society. A long time ago Gin had closed his eyes and betrayed the most important thing in his life- what was Soul Society compared to Matsumoto Rangiku? Gin said yes. It was an easy decision.


End file.
